A Whole Lot of MEEEEHHHHH!

MEH-sahiro Tanaka
During most of the off-season, it was all but guaranteed that Masahiro Tanaka was going to be a Los Angeles Dodger. If you looked at twitter, #TanakaWatch almost became a pool in which the winner would have had enough money to actually bid on the Japanese ace, provided money was actually wagered. Dodgers fans and bloggers were so drunk with their own new found #SWAGGER that it was inconceivable that Tanaka was going to sign with another club (lol, GG Cubs, you signed Clark instead.)

Of course, we all woke up to the news that Tanaka was signed by the New York Yankees. And Dodgers fans went through denial (“He’s not even that good,”) and anger (“Fuck the Yankees!”) They bargained (“The Dodgers should trade *insert your least favorite outfielder* for Tanaka,”) fell into a state of depression (“WELP. There goes 2014,”) and have finally accepted it (“Phew.. I thought we were getting this guy


The reality is, as has been said by other, more esteemed bloggers, pitching is not the Dodgers weakest link. In fact, with a rotation bolstered by Dan Haren and a hefty bullpen (HELLLOO Wilson/Jansen setup/closer duo!) the Dodgers run prevention should be top notch, according to no actual data that I can provide. What the Dodgers need is a bench.

Chode Figgins over MEH-chael Young
The Dodgers attended Chone Figgins’s workout last Wednesday and were so impressed that they signed him yesterday… you know, kinda like therapy shopping after a bad breakup. You shouldn’t really spend money on a Chone Figgins, but you do anyways because it makes you feel better and it’s better than eating a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s. In this case, eating a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s is a metaphor for signing Michael Young, only at no point is signing Michael Young good. At least eating a whole pint of Cherry Garcia tastes delicious. Anyways, this isn’t about Ben and Jerry’s, it isn’t even about Michael Young, it’s about why Chone Figgins? The original form of this post was about why the Dodgers shouldn’t sign Figgins. But the news beat my laziness and now this post is more of a prayer that Chone Figgins isn’t.. uh, bad.

Figgins is not the same player he was on the Angels. While in Anaheim he hit a respectable .277/.349/.364. Unfortunately, on the defensive side, the only position where he was worth a damn was third base. According to Fangraphs, over the course of ten seasons he has logged over 1000 innings at second, third, and in the outfield, and the only position where he posted a positive UZR is at third base. That includes his time in Seattle. Speaking of his time in Seattle, good lord. Over the course of three seasons with the Mariners, Figgins slashed .227/.303/.283. In 2013, Figgins signed a minor league contract with the Miami Marlins. Forty days after signing with the Marlins, he was released. Let me elaborate. The 2013 Miami Marlins, a team that finished 69-93 in 2012, signed Chone Figgins to a minor league contract and after 40 days, said “Yeaahhh.. no.” So if you’re not afraid of what Figgins adds to the Dodgers


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